Ship of hearts

Ship of hearts

"Good morning baby" she said giving me a smile and rolling over to me. I not fully recovered from last night’s fight said morning in a flash while trying to open my eyes, trying to walk to the basin and wash my face. While washing my face and I see myself in the mirror and try to convince myself that what I did was wrong, following that, I try to come back to the room lagging and while trying to imagine the words to apologize in the midway I have a glance at her tears.

                             

I got blank at first then I see images of my childhood one where my sister cried due to her relationship problems with her husband and the second image was of my mother weeping when dad was shouting at her when I was 10 years old. I remember the question I had asked my dad whether this fight was necessary as mother wept and I remember the exact words he said it was normal.

‘Normal’ I asked myself what is normal, this? Really?

Suddenly I hear a loud cry, it was probably because I went blank. I lagged near her said her sorry she said it’s okay it’s not completely your fault I am to blame too, as we both are a part of this relationship, it’s just that these fights are new and I know it’s none of our faults but it’s tough to fight with the one person whom you love the most.

Again a flash came where I was asking my sister whether her husband loved her or not? And she trying to stop the tears falling from her cheeks mumbled that yes of course he loves me a lot, why would you ask that? I said simply because if he does then how does he live with himself watching you cry, is this why he married you so he can fight and make you cry? She shouted at me SHUT UP! And I flinched and said this is not love if he makes you cry. She calms down and says to me it’s not like that people fight its natural and this is just a misunderstanding it will be sorted.

‘Natural’ I ask myself, this is natural?

I hear a voice it’s her asking me whether I feel that we are not able to connect anymore. Before I could answer her she asks another question are we changing from what we were and becoming like others which we promised we won’t be.

This is irritating but I have another flashback of me hearing my aunt say to my mom how her husband has changed a lot and since I was 11, I innocently ask how has he changed other than putting up a weight since the last time we met? My mom and aunt giggle a bit and tell me it’s nothing you are right and go play your videogame. I say no and crawl up to my mom’s thighs keep my head and lay over the rest of the sofa. Aunt whispered thinking I had slept how her husband and she had been fighting like that they never did before. My mom said to her that this happens it will be alright fights are a part of relationships.

Happens what? Like is it a natural disaster that it just happens?

And I hear her shout at me and waving her arm are you even listening to me? Are you just going to give up on me like this? Do you even want us to work out? What are you thinking tell me? What is your desire? What do you want? Is this the end of us?

My heart starts beating faster and I remember how my mother left my father and I saw my dad crying. I was 16; I asked my dad why this he said it was normal? What was this fight which got him into this and why was mom crying and trying to convince me everything will be alright while she was leaving me and my sister and going somewhere else? My dad said everything will be alright for you; it’s just that it had to end between us because it never started between us.

I see her fumbling upon her way out of the room again in tears. I come back to my senses stop her and tell her no this is not the end, we didn’t start to end, it’s the truth that everything that starts has an end but in this ship of hearts there is never going to be end this will go on to infinity and beyond, not every relationship is made for an end or fight, it’s not normal or natural to fight, it just doesn’t always have to happen and no it’s not an end. Our promise has not changed we had a misunderstanding and it can be solved and will be because we love each other. She had tears again but of happiness I guess since we were kissing the next moment.

Everybody applaud and she smirked cutting our 50^th anniversary cake.

-Dhruvil Joshi